Slow Down for Allie: A Lesson for All of Us

Allie was a young Marblehead teen who was killed on a summer day while crossing in a crosswalk. Her father created ‘Slow Down for Allie’ decals as a visible reminder not only for drivers to slow down but also for all of us to slow down as we race through our daily lives.

I understand this concept of slowing down: I’ve fought vigorously against it for most of my adult life. Until, on May 4, 2009, my body demanded I pay attention.  I opened the door of my office building, then found myself flying through the air; my only thought being to propel myself towards the grass so as to not hit my head on the stairs or the walkway. My hands broke my fall on the macadam, tearing up the heels of both palms and one knee. Shocked and with no one around to come to my assistance, I stayed in that position for what seemed like several minutes. I rolled onto the grass, regained my composure, and looked at my palms, covered with blood and a slightly torn up kneecap. Other than that, I was okay.

A few days later, I woke up so lightheaded that I could barely sit up. An emergency visit to my doctor was the first of what has become a series of visits to determine why I, a healthy 53 year-old woman, who exercises and eats right, was so rundown, so lacking in energy, and having difficulty concentrating on what had been easily handled tasks.

What brought me to this state? After extensive testing for a variety of physical causes, the answer was clear: anxiety, depression, and stress. Doing too much, for too long, under stressful conditions; believing if I worked longer and harder, I would be doing my part to hold things together at a place I love. Saying yes when I should have said no; working overtime week after week, working on vacations and days off. And, when my efforts did not produce the expected results, I tried harder, despite my doctor’s advice to take the summer off.

Recently, I cried ‘uncle’ and was granted medical leave. I’m relearning how to live; how to manage the weight of both negotiated and self-imposed deadlines, how to slow down and be satisfied with a day that isn’t spent racing from one commitment to another. I’m learning new ways to use my time, without the guilt and stress that has plagued me for years. I’m learning how to let go; I am grateful to my employer and the Federal Family and Medical Leave Act for making it possible for me to have this time.

I’m learning to talk and write about my experience: To be open about the debilitating effects of anxiety, depression, and stress. To cast aside the veil of shame associated with these diseases and, as today’s New York Times Magazine’s cover story on anxiety does, look at the physical manifestations of these feelings.

Perhaps the ‘Slow Down for Allie’ decals remind me that I have a choice: a choice to fight back. A choice to do things I enjoy and find my way back to enjoying those things that are necessary to do. I’ve fought this fight before during the most stressful time of my life – and won. I will win again. Thank you Allie’s father, for reminding me of what is really important in my life.